- Log - 1 - < 03/12/2022 >

Being attached to someone is not about the other person. It is your inabilty to feel complete all by yourself.

Today I realised that I was looking at "stuff" so that I could send to this certain friend of mine, well just to get some validation from them. This habit of mine was highly self-destructive. I would spend a day looking for things that didn't matter to me or helped me. Things that I would send to some friend(s) to get their validation or just to stay relevant. I would send videos, articles, memes, music, etc. only for them to rejoice, for maximum 30 seconds to 5 minutes. Then everyone including me would forget. Sometimes when they didn't care or when they felt cringe and not rejoice, it would directly affect me.

I developed this habit couple of years of ago, all the self-destructive habits were implemented by me with the sole purpose being "best-friends" with some people. Now, 90% of them no longer talk with me. I have no idea what I did but they no longer want to talk with me.

I haven't moved on from my past habits, nor have I moved on from those people. Well, I did move from the people. They kinda left me, so I have no incentive to stay. Moving on is the best option I had. I have moved on from the poeple, mostly. But the habits are still stuck with me.